Listening is one of the most important communication skills you can develop. This overlooked but powerful tool can lead to stronger, healthier relationships.
The right way to listen is to listen to understand rather than respond. This is where people usually go wrong. Often, we’re so focused on saying what we want to say, that we fail to grasp the other person’s perspective.
If you want to prevent misunderstandings and build more meaningful connections, keep reading. In this article, we’ll provide three strategies for becoming a better listener.
What is active listening?
Before we dive into some tips, it’s important to understand what active listening is. Active listening means:
- Being fully present in conversations
- Showing interest and engagement
- Acknowledging feelings
- Asking open-ended questions
- Practicing empathy and non-judgment
- Resisting the urge to interrupt and give unsolicited advice.
As the name suggests, active listening requires us to take an active role in the communication process. The goal is not to prepare your response or defend your point of view but to genuinely understand the other person’s experience.
Three top strategies for active listening
Below you will find three of the best tips to help you improve your listening skills. Give them a try and watch how your conversations become more meaningful and your relationships grow stronger.
1. Be fully present.
There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to connect with someone who is distracted. When someone shares something with you and you’re on your phone, staring into space, or preparing your response, it screams, “You’re not important to me right now.”
Fix it. When someone opens a conversation with you, give them your full attention. If you’re busy, let them know and suggest another time to talk.
Giving your full attention means:
- Putting all distractions aside
- Making eye-contact
- Using verbal and non-verbal gestures to show interest and engagement. For example, leaning in, nodding, and using “aha” and “mmm” to acknowledge their points.
2. Acknowledge feelings.
We may not always agree with others or get where they’re coming from, but that doesn’t mean their experience is ‘wrong’. Empathy, which is where we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and understand their feelings from their perspective, is crucial in these situations.
Fix it. Instead of brushing people off when you disagree with them or find it hard to understand their perspective, try this:
- Acknowledge their feelings, e.g. “It sounds like you’re feeling very disappointed about the job.”
- Show understanding, e.g. “I’m sorry this has been so tough on you,” or “I can understand that you’re upset.”
3. Ask open-ended questions.
The best way to avoid common pitfalls, like jumping in with your own opinion or assuming you know what the other person means, is to ask open-ended questions.
Fix it. Rather than jumping to conclusions prematurely or offering advice, stay curious and ask questions to understand the other person better and seek clarity. For example:
- “Can you tell me more about that?”
- “How do you feel about _______?”
- “Are you saying that ________?”
- “What do you mean when you say that ______?”
The key takeaway:
Remember, active listening is not about hearing words and responding with your opinion. It’s about fully engaging with the speaker’s message, understanding their feelings, and showing empathy.
By practicing being fully present, acknowledging feelings, and asking open-ended questions, you can become a better listener and communicator. This will improve your relationships by creating greater depth and intimacy.