Death is part of the human experience, but no wisdom or warning can shield us from the heartache of losing someone dear. We hear about grief, and we may form an idea about what it’s like – yet until we face it ourselves, we can’t truly know how we’ll feel or respond. There is no right or wrong way to experience loss. But understanding what grief is, what you might expect, and how to cope can help you feel less alone as you move through it.
What is grief?
Grief is our natural response to loss, and it can affect us mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. While grief is often associated with the death of a loved one, we grieve when we experience other significant losses, too. For example, the end of a relationship or the loss of a job. In this article, we’re focusing on grief as it relates to the death of a loved one.
How grief might show up
Grief can show up in various ways, and your grieving process will be unique to you. Still, there are some common feelings and reactions you might notice, like:
- Deep emotional pain or emotional numbness
- Extreme sadness and emptiness
- Shock, confusion, and denial
- Anger, guilt, and regret
- Relief or peace
- Changes in appetite
- Sleeping more or less than usual
- Difficulty with focus and decision-making
These reactions may come and go, sometimes hitting in waves. Whether you notice these feelings or experience something else entirely, your response is valid.
How long does it take to feel better?
Unfortunately, there is no magic timeline or formula for moving through grief. It’s a deeply personal process, and healing often takes longer or looks different than we expect. It may be hard to believe that you’ll ever get over the loss of a loved one and feel like yourself again, but over time, the pain usually eases. Many people find that once they have processed and accepted the loss, they’re able to reconnect with life. You may never stop missing your loved one, but you’ll rediscover joy and purpose, even alongside the sadness.
How to cope
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to coping with grief because everyone’s experience is so different. However, here are some helpful strategies that might help you in your healing journey:
Get support
It’s natural to want to withdraw when you feel sad, but surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family can give you comfort. You don’t have to talk about your loss if you’re not ready — just the company of those who care can bring relief. If you do want to share, choose someone you trust and feel safe with. Talking can help lighten the burden and remind you that you’re not alone.
Remember, most people want to help but aren’t always sure how to intervene or what to do. You can gently ask for what you need – whether it’s someone to listen, help with daily tasks, or support in organizing a memorial service.
Look after yourself
Self-care is probably the last thing on your mind, but taking care of yourself while you’re grieving is so important. Grief can take an emotional and physical toll, affecting your energy, sleep, appetite, and overall well-being.
Simple things, like getting enough rest, eating regular meals, staying hydrated, and moving your body, can help you cope with the stress and fatigue that grief brings. Be kind to yourself, and remember that small acts of care can make a meaningful difference as you heal.
Celebrate and remember your loved one
You don’t have to stop remembering and celebrating your loved one when the memorial service ends. There are many ways you can keep their memory alive, and this can bring comfort, meaning, and a sense of connection as you heal. Below are some ideas that may help you honor your loved one’s life in a way that feels right for you:
- Write them a letter
- Plant a tree or garden as a living tribute
- Tell stories or write about your memories
- Cook their favorite meal and share it with loved ones
- Light a candle on special dates, like birthdays or anniversaries
- Create a memory box or scrapbook filled with photos, letters, and keepsakes
