Friendships are supposed to be a source of joy, support, and connection. But not all friendships are created equal. While it’s normal to experience occasional conflict, repeat patterns can point to a friendship that has become unhealthy or even toxic. Healthy friendships won’t leave you feeling drained and on edge all the time. Below are 9 red flags to watch out for that can help you tell when a friendship may be doing more harm than good:
You feel exhausted after spending time together
If you always feel depleted after seeing a certain friend, your dynamic could be off. This usually happens when there’s an emotional imbalance. For example, every time you meet up, you’re doing all the listening, comforting, and supporting. But when it’s your turn to share, they’re distracted or dismissive. If this happens frequently, it can wear you down and make you dread spending time with them at all.
There’s no give and take
Healthy relationships are reciprocal, which means both people make an effort to maintain and nurture the relationship. If you’re always the one making plans and checking in, but they rarely show up for you, the friendship can start to feel one-sided. The longer this carries on, the more it can begin to affect your self-worth as you question your value in their life.
They don’t consider your feelings
Feeling emotionally safe in a friendship means that you can share your thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged. If you open up, but your friend dismisses or minimizes what you’re going through, they’re not being very supportive. The more this happens, the more you learn that you can’t tell them things, which creates distance and weakens your bond.
You’re constantly walking on eggshells
If it feels like you have to censor everything you say so you don’t upset your friend, it can create a lot of stress. Monitoring your every word and action takes a huge amount of energy and is not sustainable. In time, your friendship can feel more like a burden rather than a relationship that adds value to your life.
They gossip about other friends
Many people gossip from time to time, but when a friend regularly badmouths others, especially other friends, it’s a red flag. This behavior shows a lack of respect and trust, and it might make you wonder what they might say about you when you’re not around! It’s hard to build trust with someone who doesn’t prioritize loyalty or confidentiality.
They cross your boundaries
Healthy friendships respect personal limits. If you’ve communicated your boundaries and they keep crossing the line, they’re not considering your needs. For example, you’ve asked for space during a busy week, but they keep texting or guilt-tripping you for not replying fast enough. A friend who makes a habit of crossing your boundaries can create ongoing tension because they don’t honor your limits.
They don’t celebrate your achievements
One of the best parts about friendship is not just having support through the tough times, but having people to celebrate the good times with, too! If your friend never rejoices with you — or worse, downplays your success — it can feel lonely and deflating. You might start to wonder if you’re even on the same team.
If you recognize any of these 7 red flags in a friendship, it’s worth reflecting on how that relationship affects your well-being. Sometimes, having an open conversation or setting boundaries can help bring more balance and understanding. But if your feelings aren’t acknowledged and your boundaries aren’t respected, it might be time to rethink whether you want to hold on or let go.
